John Derek Wilkes (20 Feb 1968 - 5 Dec 2016)

Dear John, dear godfather,

I still can remember the first time we met; I was about 9 years old, when you became my neighbour. In this small French village we got to live next to each other for over a year before I moved away, and for the little time we saw each other I still can remember when you gave me this English dictionary as a gift, it was all in English and it was so intriguing for me. I don’t remember if I ever told you, you were the reason why I fell in love with English, even more with England, your passion about languages and travels became mine growing up, I can see it clearly now.
Time passed and we didn’t get to see each other for a decade until I reached for you and Jo about coming over to England for an internship, it was about 4 years ago.
I have all those memories about the 3 months we lived together the 4 of us, Jo, Zoe, you and I, it feels like yesterday…
The rugby game Leicester against Toulouse, the sport training that I dragged you in at Knighton Park during days off, the snow during my whole stay, driving your car on a supermarket car park, visiting Straford on Avon and Birmingham, going to Litchfield for your family’s reunion, and all the movies’ evening between Colin Farrell and Amélie Poulain. I cannot name everything we did; the list would be endless…
During those 3 months, Jo and you became part of my family, you were the ones who helped me when I struggled with anything, you were there when I was sad and a bit home sick, you were there for good and bad times through those past years and I still don’t know how the future is going to be but I’ve promised you to live my life as fully as you did.
Then I moved for my studies to Stratford upon Avon for a whole year, and still you were the one to help me out, your visit with Jo in the summer was awesome, it was finding comfort in seeing family when you’re away and a bit lost… Spending Christmas at Jo’s dad with you and Jo and was the best gift ever, when you feel lonely and you’re away from home, there’s always someone to make you feel home, and that’s what you did for me, you always made me feel home.
Our 3 days trip to Brighton is one of my favourite memories, when we visited the Buddhist centre, when we went to the beach, when we got stuck on the way back to Stratford because cows were on the motorway.

You told me about your illness when I was so far away, when I told you I was worried you told me no to be, to pray for you, to enjoy everything I was living in the U.S. and to make you travel through pictures I sent you. You told me a lot about your medical appointments and how Buddhism was helping you, you made sure I didn’t worry and I never thanked you enough about this.
Coming to see you in April last year, be by your side and Jo’s, our time together is the memory I’ll keep forever in my heart.

Through those years, as you always said you were the godparents I never had, you taught me how being different makes people stronger and unique, you taught me to embrace difference, to love everyone from different religions, different skin colours, different opinions.
You taught me how to manage my stress and how to enjoy every second of life; in a way you became my Buddhist mentor, my godfather and one of my best friend.

I have thanked you so much, but I wish I could do it again and tell you how much you impacted who I am today, the person I have become, my way of seeing beauty in everything, it is all because you showed me and taught me to be patient.

Repose en paix mon ami, nous t’avons toujours en pensée avec nous, nous t’aimons.

Suzanne and the whole family

John, we had a great time with you and Jo when we last saw you on our stomping ground - Dave and I won't forget it.

I will remember a man full of personality who always wore a huge smile and his heart on his sleeve.
I feel very proud to have been your cousin.

Lots of love, James and Dave xxx

Pat, Les, Jo and family would like to thank everyone who attended our dear John's funeral and contributed to the Kelmarsh Buddhist Centre.

The amount raised was over £500 which will help enormously in providing care and comfort to many people, as it certainly did for John.

We would also like to thank all those who contributed to John's Just Giving page, also raising over £400 for Survival International, a charity very close to his heart.

Though we have lost a very special person in our lives far too soon, we feel that this is a wonderful tribute to a life well-lived, leaving us all with many precious memories, which will last forever.

Dear John

I know that you are with us and , if you were among us then I'm sure you would have much to say.
So those of us you've left behind will do our best to speak for you and celebrate the life you lived with those you loved every day.

In life as brothers growing up in carefree days when we were kids, you took me with you everywhere
So like your shadow I became, climbing trees, building dens, making fires down the marsh and living free without a care. [ It was the 70's after all ]

We shared so much together then, and though I sometimes cramped your style you always had my back.

When I was 8 and you were 10, playing out of frozen ice, I went too far on ice too thin, until I heard it crack
But as I disappeared beneath the murky waters cold embrace, I gasped for breath and fought for life, but then I saw your face
You grabbed my hair and pulled my arm and dragged me soaking on to land, laughing as you did so, but you knew that I was scared, and so you held my hand.

Once I had a bright idea, that on reflection really wasn't very smart
I volunteered to be a moving target while you did your best to aim at me, and hit me with a dart!
And at the time I do recall it seemed a great idea to me until the first dart you lobbed my way flew like an arrow through the air and hit me in the knee! [ I can still remember the agony as you pulled it out ]
You always pushed the boundaries, and by challenging the system, you always raised the bar
Like taking me and Simon out, while underage, uninsured, but most of all unauthorised, while driving in Dad's car.
The only minor detail was that Dad had not a clue, until he saw on his return, his car being nicked by three small boys - and driving it was you!

As a passionate campaigner for this troubled world in which we live, you always fought for what was right and what you thought was wrong
Your compassionate and caring heart was ever filled with love to give, and fight for those without a voice , to help the weak and make them strong.

And on our brothers trip to France we really had an epic time
You led the way and made us proud, with memories that are priceless, just with you and me and Sime.
[ The photobook we made says it all ]

There are so many stories that the list goes on and on, and all those here who knew you will have stories of their own
You did your share of talking and I'll miss that now you're gone, to hear you put the world to rights when you were on the phone

And in my darkest hour when the lights had all gone out, you gave to me a gift which I still treasure every day
A book of Buddhist wisdom, which in times of fear and doubt, has kept me safe when I was lost and helped me find my way.

And so farewell dear brother John as in our HEARTS your life and memory will forever BE. We wish you well as you DEPART and new adventures wait for you as new beginnings set you FREE.

We are so blessed to have had our beloved first-born son in our lives for 48 years.
He was a happy baby, a sensitive child and a passionately caring teenager, showing concern far beyond his years for the state of the world and the less priveliged in society.

John taught me that not everyone fits into the 'normal' box and I will always be grateful for his wisdom.

He smiled his way through his illness, all the while following two paths with the same calm attitude. We watched him grow weaker in body yet stronger in mind and have taken great comfort from the way he faced his future, whichever path fate would choose for him.

John gave me a book some time ago entitled '365 Smiles from Buddha'. As I looked through it I noticed that the page was turned down on the following passage. This epitomises everything our beautiful son believed in.

He will never be forgotten and we will love him forever.


LIFE AND DEATH
Feathered birds, and fishes finned,
And clouds and rain and calm and wind,
And sun and moon and stars declare,
All life is one, everywhere.

That nothing dies to die for good
In clay or dust, in stone or wood
But only rests awhile to keep
Life's ancient covenant with Sleep.

Have a wonderful journey Johnbhai - wherever it takes you. You have left us with memories we will treasure forever. XXXXX

John,

You were an incredible partner to Jo, loving son and brother, amazing uncle and a great nephew and cousin.

We will always treasure the memory of your trips to stay with us in London and remember your zest for life, your enthusiasm and passion.

Put simply - you will be missed.

All our love,

Kirsty, Anthony & Erin xxx

John,

You were an incredible partner to Jo, loving son and brother, amazing uncle and a great nephew and cousin.

We will always treasure the memory of your trips to stay with us in London and remember your zest for life, your enthusiasm and passion.

Put simply - you will be missed.

All our love,

Kirsty, Anthony & Erin xxx

We hope your final journey led you to your own wonderful Wiz John.
Love and miss you
Aunty Caryll and Uncle Brian

We have decided to donate £100 to John's beloved Buddhist Centre to help towards their excellent works.
We saw John deal with his illness calmly, serenely and peacefully and seemingly without pain.
He was a regular to the retreat and we are sure that his Buddhist beliefs helped him through his illness and was a great comfort to both himself and those who loved him.
To leave this world with a smile on his face was indeed a blessing to us all.

We will remember John for his enthusiasm and his concern for the underprivileged both at home and abroad.

Rest in peace John x

thoughts are with Pat, Les and the family.

Thinking of you all and holding you all deeply in my heart. May John be at peace and flying high with the Angels God bless xxxx

Thoughts are with you all.

Thoughts are with you all.

So sorry for your loss simon. Your words are so beautiful and such a wonderful tribute to your brother. Sending lots of love to you and Wilkes family xxx

So sorry Simon for the loss of your brother. What a wonderful story of his life you wrote so beautifully. Thank you for sharing with us and sending you all lots of love at this really sad time xxx

Thinking of all of John's family and friends. Sleep tight John xxx

Remembering you John.
Although we didn't see each other as much as we would have liked (usually during weddings, anniversarys and funerals), you have always been there for us and I have always felt very close to you.
The things I remember most are spending a day with you at your studios (I took home a copy of the Cree Indian poster which I always loved), going to a Leicester Tigers game and also (after bumping into you and Jo in Birmingham) going to see Marina and the Diamonds. There was also the legendary card game featuring strawberry bonbons and mikado sticks that went on till 4:00 in the morning.
I think mostly though I will remember your love of the planet, your infectious positivity and your compassion and understanding for others. Wishing you peace and enlightenment among the Buddha's.

All our Love Jon, Hayley, Eleanor, Jasmine and Sienna. Xxx

My big brother John has shaped my life and personality in more ways than he will ever know.

Like mum, he had a heart as big as the world - and always openly expressed how much his family and friends meant to him.

Like dad, he was head strong, determined, loyal and hard-working - and like his father he was something of a fashion icon.

John was a superb son, a brilliant brother, a loving partner, a fun-loving uncle and a giving godfather.
He will be sorely missed but fondly remembered, as he has left us so many stories and memories - speaking of which...

Brothers in arms
Mum says that when I was just a few months old, she went upstairs to check on me, and I wasn’t in my cot.
She didn’t have to go far, though, as I was in bed with John and Chris, snuggled in between them - and I have been there ever since.


Pull the other one
Fast forward a year or so and mum was baffled by my behaviour on a car journey one day.
By all accounts I was a happy and contented baby, but while in my car seat I kept whimpering, then calming down, whimpering, calming down.
I wasn’t hungry, had a clean nappy on and was sat between my two big bros, so it was a mystery - until the truth was revealed many years later.
To help pass the time on the journey, John and Chris had cunningly tied cotton to my little toes.
Each time they tugged the cotton I whimpered - but each time mum turned to see what was wrong, all she saw were two angelic faces either side of a very unhappy little brother.

Driving dad mad
Staying with cars, John has always been a driving force for Chris and I - but never more than when mum and dad popped round to see Terry and Shirley one afternoon.
They had walked round so the keys to the old Vauxhall Viva were dangling enticingly at home - and it was too much for John, then 17, to resist.
Next thing you know, we’re driving up Shakespeare Avenue, with John at the wheel, Chris in the passenger seat and me in the back in my pyjamas.
All was going well until John saw mum and dad strolling up the avenue, leading to a hasty left turn into the park entrance and an emergency stop.
Dad insists he kept his cool and calmly told us to go home - but the jury is out on that one.

Rebel with a cause

John was always passionate in his beliefs, whether showing concern for our planet or caring for the less fortunate.
He would often lock horns with people over conflicting opinions but was to meet his match in his two feisty sister-in-laws Abby and Samantha, who loved the challenging spark in him.

Thankfully he found a life companion in Jo who could match him in personality and individuality - and they have been side by side for the last 27 years, sharing a love of cats, films and music - and buying their French house together.


Putting the boot in
After buying the house in France, John asked me to join him on a road trip down there, so we packed their Prius full of furniture and stopped at Portsmouth for the ferry.
John’s time-keeping always left a lot to be desired - but for once we were a few hours early, so we parked on the seafront and went for a stroll on the beach at about 6am.
We returned to find a crowd of people surrounding the car, pointing at things and getting very excited.
It turns out we’d parked at the front of a car-boot sale queue, so had to battle past an angry mob, explain nothing was for sale and make a hasty exit.

Adventure time
We did so much together...watching England win the rugby World Cup at Welford Road, trips to Twickenham and Soho, canoeing down the River Liffey in Dublin, creating a children’s book, going to Camden Market to sell a London tee shirt we’d designed, going to a Greenpeace party after Chris and Abby’s wedding, and seeing the likes of Leftfield, Daft Punk and the Manic Street Preachers in concert…the list goes on.
Mum and John, meanwhile, enjoyed several trips to London to see some shows - and John was also generous with his time, loving to lose himself in his imagination with his nephews, niece and godchildren.


Food for thought
Like all the Wilkes family, John loved his food - wherever he went he had a rucksack packed with enough snacks to feed a family for a week.
Going for a meal with him was always an interesting experience, as trying to get him to choose one thing off the menu was a challenge.
On one visit to an Indian restaurant in Leeds, he couldn’t decide which Naan bread he wanted with his three main dishes - there was Garlic, Peshwari, Cheese, Tandoori, Spinach and Plain.
They all sounded so good...so he ordered all six of them, with the waiter eventually begging him to stop ordering food.
He only ate one of the Naan breads of course - the rest were carried around in the rucksack of dreams for the next week.

Chatty man
As we all know there were never any awkward silences when John was around.
Once while I was at university, I left him chatting on a phone call to make a cup of tea and toast. I returned five minutes later - and he was still chatting away, blissfully unaware of my absence.


He loved nothing more than a good long chinwag - in French or English - with his aunties, uncles, cousins, friends or anyone that crossed his path - often asking the questions, then answering them - but that was part of his unique charm.


Globe trotting
Be it bike rides to Shrewsbury, hitch-hiking around Europe, or setting off on solo adventures to New Zealand, China and the USA, John always loved to travel.


Chris and I have some very happy memories of a laughter-filled road trip to France which we arranged to reignite the spark John lost when his graphic design business was wound up due to the recession.


A drunken night in a Paris nightclub, a stroll around Cognac and a splash in the sea at Royan were just a few of the escapades we shall never forget.


John and Jo loved Skiathos and most recently enjoyed long weekends in their spiritual home Brighton, with John defying his illness to head down there earlier this year.
He had re-trained as a TEFL teacher and loved to work at the international school there in the summer.


Home is where the heart is
John’s true character shone through in his final 18 months, when he shielded us as much as he could before letting us all in with open arms in his final weeks.


He lived his life to the full despite suffering with Ascites this year, travelling to France, Brighton and a Ray Mears survival weekend, while also seeing Terry Hall live at a Specials concert in Leicester.


John was taken into hospital and was very poorly while I was in Cape Town in November - but he found the strength to get himself home, where he had several weeks in his own bed, getting lots of hugs and kisses from Jo, Anouk, family and friends.


Myself, Samantha, Damian, Joe, Chris, Abby, Jack and Jiska had a beautiful day with John and Jo a few weeks before he passed, and the smile on his face when his amazing friend and ‘soul sister’ Lorita joined the party was a true joy to behold.


Mum and dad took him and Jo for lunch a few days later, and on the journey he lay quietly on mum’s lap, sang gently to her and said he was at peace as he knew he was loved so much.


John found peace and calm through buddhism, and he drifted off into his final sleep while he was being told what an inspiration he has been to us all.

John never judged people on their circumstances, so I thought I’d end on a proverb a wise old man once told me...
(OK it was dad three weeks ago)...
He said: ‘Never judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes...and after you’ve walked that mile, keep his shoes on - and do a runner with them.”


Rest in peace John, we love you so much and you will always be in our hearts and thoughts as we celebrate your wonderful life, which ended way too soon.

Remembering you John, are great cousin who we have share some good times with from Christmas Day pontoon as kids to many family do's since. You will be missed Love Dan, Jules, Isaac & Emilia

Remembering you John, such a lovely cousin, a brilliant character who was loving, kind, giving, funny and loved a chat :) lots of love Kate & Tom xxxx

Remembering you John, our lovely cousin who was such a brilliant character, kind, loving, giving, funny and loved a chat :) lots of love Kate & Tom xxx